So I really talk a lot of bullshit sometimes. I keep telling myself how happy and great things are going, so I can avoid having to talk about my own insecurities and such.
Truth is, I am happy, for the most part – I have a good job that I like, two great kids, a happy dog, and a beautiful wife who loves me and is a great mom. OTOH, I’m constantly afraid that it’s all going to come crashing down around my ears. When the job is rocky, I stress over that. When the job is OK, I stress over the home stuff.
We’re in the process of getting Ray tested for Asperger’s Syndrome. That’s an adventure, but it’s not a big deal to live with once you know what’s going on. That was a big stress early this week, after the global meeting.
Renee has been funny about her cel phone lately. She’s very concerned about where it is, is using it more, and I found a phone number on an envelope a few days ago.
The envelope she’s very concerned about keeping with her, I’ve noticed. I wouldn’t be freaky, except I found it and her phone in the bathroom – near where she keeps her “special appliance.” And she did take her cel phone with her to have a shower this morning.
I’m sure it’s nothing, but I can’t help but wonder. That’s my biggest stress right now. I’m going to try to talk to her about it tonight – I just don’t know how to approach it without being accusatory or sounding paranoid.
And I am being paranoid, I’m sure. Or is it paranoia when something really is about to get you?
The questions that come to mine really are “why are you hiding this from me, how long were you planning on hiding this from me, and did you really think you could get away with hiding it from me? Because you really, really suck at being sneaky about that sort of thing.”