More Rambling

And we won’t even *TALK* about the fact that our sex life has gone downhill drastically in the last few months. As in, twice since before Xmas. And the one night she’s interested in the past two weeks, I’m not. So there’s no expectation *THERE* until early Feb. at the earliest.

And since Jacob is still sleeping in our bed, it’s not like I can cuddle up next to her anytime I want.

And it’s not like that’ll fix things, just delay the next bad mood for a week or two.

Am I the only guy who tracks his wife’s cycle so that he knows when she’ll be interested so he can adjust his schedule accordingly? hell, I know more about her cycle than she does.

Time to start with the problems I can fix. Not like I can talk to anyone about this, really. All the people I see at work on a daily basis are not typically people I’d discuss this with. Unlike my last job, there’s no hangin’ buddy at the ‘hat, who has similar issues.

No wonder I’m depressed – I’m lonely. I feel like I live alone. I’m so out of sync with the rest of this house, some nights – and days – I feel like I shouldn’t be here, that I get in the way…that the only thing I’m good for is to cook, clean, and do the things that everyone else won’t do.

I should talk to Renee about this – maybe we can work it out together. And after the first week, when things go back to how they were last week, I can start the spiral all over again.

She was right – nothing is going to change. And maybe that’s the most depressing thing of all.

About Kevin Sonney

Kevin Sonney - who, contrary to popular opinion was NOT raised by wolves - grew up in central North Carolina. He fell into the technology field by accident in 1991, when he gave up the wild and crazy lifestyle of an on-air AM radio DJ to become a mundane technical support monkey. The technology industry has never really recovered from this. Kevin has worked for such names as IBM, Red Hat, webslingerZ, and Lulu Technologies (we won't mention the ones that didn't survive the experience). He currently works as a Linux Administrator for Apptio. In his spare time he rescues stray animals and plays video games with his two sons. His wife, we're sad to say, helps him get past the really hard bits. Kevin is still not very mundane, he just got better at hiding it.
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17 Responses to More Rambling

  1. catherine says:

    Is Renee still nursing?

  2. alchemist says:

    Oh yeah. It’s probabyl saved us a ton of money, which we need, but I really think he should have been weaned before now.

  3. wander says:

    No, you are not the only guy who tracks his lover’s cycles. I do the same. We’ve hit a long lull as well. Can’t really point to one problem though. More like a bunch of little things we have let pile up. I don’t think it’s wrong to be concerned that you are not having sex though. I was trying to explain to Deb the other day that for me, it’s a sign of a healthy relationship that you at least have sex on a semi regular basis. Not that it needs to be on a schedule but you need to be able to feel like it will happen once in awhile without getting shut down all the time. I don’t want to sound like the guy that says he needs sex all the time but you know, that’s one of the reasons we have intimate relationships and I think for most guys, it’s a big way we express intimacy. We are trying to work out a bunch of other problems as well so I’m hoping that once those get worked out, the sex thing will fall back into a somewaht normal pace. Like Renee, Deb’s thing is coming home and relaxing in front of the TV. To the point that when I come home she sometimes holds up a finger to get me not to talk because of something going on with a show she’s trying to watch. Sometimes I’ll play it off as amusing that I play second fiddle to a TV show that will be re run all summer but sometimes it genuinely pisses me off and I let her know about it and when that happens, all the other stuff that bugs me about her comes out. My advice is not to let it go on too long and hope things will work themselves out. Sit down and talk about it and let each other know what’s wrong and then work out a plan to fix it. Then stick to the plan.

    Just my two cents.


  4. catherine says:

    Then…honestly…that’s probably why she’s not into having sex. I’m an EXTREMELY sexual person but I wasn’t the slightest bit interested in sex when I was nursing. I stopped…and my sex drive is BACK! I got scared for a bit…but Alan was wonderful and patient through it all. Never made me feel guilty about not wanting it.

  5. alchemist says:

    Well, nothing kills the mood for *ME* more than the baby wanting to nurse when we’re being intimate.

    But I sometimes wonder – last fall, it was a marked increase. Almost pre-birth levels. Then again, when she was pregnant we were talking 2-3 times a week. Almsot to the point where I was needing to ask her for a night off.

    And then, when I look back, when we aren’t trying to conceive, before we *HAD* kids, I had a similar complaint. Maybe this is her natural position on the matter – once or twice a month is OK (Well, when on the pill, I was lucky if she was interested even *THAT* much), and otherwise, I’m gonna have to just take the chance that I’ll be rejected or piss her off by asking for it more often.

    Blarg. The rejection that that brought on, back in the day, wasn’t worth the pain. I’d rather just wait for her and suffer than take the ego-blow that the repeated “I don’t feel like it” two or three times a week brings on when extended over a period of 6-8 months….or the degredation of begging for it. Which, after the first few times, is what it starts to feel like.

  6. ex_redsonja442 says:

    You sound just like me, and I’m a girl.

    The very notion of TV being more important than sex. Absurd! My BF does the same thing. video games too. It makes me absolutely livid.

  7. alchemist says:

    I’ll admit that if I’m wrapped up in a particular piece of code or something, I won’t notice subtle hints. but I’m not into subtle hints – if she says “come to bed so we can…” I’m gonna drop what I’m doing, and go.

    Maybe that’s the whole problem – presentation….something to think about….

  8. ex_redsonja442 says:

    Believe me, I’m never subtle. I’m more likely to say “Hey, cutie, wanna fuck?”

  9. alchemist says:

    see, if he’s not jumping on that, he need shis head checked.

  10. ex_redsonja442 says:

    Or his pecker. Grumblegrumblegrumble

  11. alchemist says:

    I saw the pictures from the RTSFS Halloween party. Have his package checked.

  12. ex_redsonja442 says:

    I’ll take that as a compliment.

    OMG, I didn’t even see any pics from that party besides the insane one of me whipping Calvin with that fake whip!!!

  13. alchemist says:

    < a href="">You missed this one, then. Nice ink.

    I don’t see the picture you happen to be refering to. Maybe a different album I didn’t look at.

  14. wander says:

    Back in 96 I was going out with this girl in DC. Long distance relationship. I made the mistake of calling her during the Olympic swimming events whci mind you she was taping anyway and she bitched me out about how important it was for her to see these events. Needless to say my next call was to break up with her.

    No excuse for putting electronic media ahead of a personal relationship.


  15. ex_redsonja442 says:

    Eyack. I look ever so much better in person. Snapshots are evil things. when friends send me pix like that taken at parties I photoshop the crap out of them! The whipping one was taken by Diana Keever and may not be posted anywhere.

    I have two other tattoos. The one on my back is still a work in progress.

  16. alchemist says:

    Coolio. You look fine in that shot, though.

    You’ll have to show off the ink when it’s done.

  17. ex_redsonja442 says:

    I have a friend with a digital camera. She can help.It may take two more sessions though…this is a complicated back piece.

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