842

Mental Note:

Unfounded suspicions under extreme stress plus low blood sugar equals acute paranoia.

I’m under too much stress.

I think I’m jealous of her computer. Or at least, of her cel-collecting buddies. Or something. Add to that the fact that we can hardly discuss anything without it turning into an argument about money or my job situ or something, and the fact that when she’s under a load of stress her affectionate moods reverse into bitchiness.

This is my therapy, my outlet. I’m not going to do anything rash. I have decided that she’s more important to me than just about anything – except life, honesty, and integrity – so any ultimatum she gives will be agreed to as long as it doesn’t infringe on the three things that are most important.

I won’t peek into her conversations. I must get over my fears, baseless or not, and trust her to do the right thing. Even if she’s admitted that she “maybe” trusts me to do the right thing. maybe is close enough to yes.

And I wonder – is my panic button going off, and I’m reading the signals wrong? Is there big trouble elsewhere in my life – some big change that affects me that was decided, and I won’t know about until I know about it?

Something is amiss in my life. I hope to god it’s not me.