And the pissy part, the part that makes me agonizingly mad and want to cry and scream and all at once, is that if I had just been paid on time for the past few months, and had I managed to control our spending better, we wouldn’t be in this predicament.

I mean, let me be honest – the fact that paychecks are going to be almost two weeks late (AGAIN) really burns me, but until I can find another job, it’s a moot point. Take it to the boss, and will I still have a job afterwords? Fuck, I don’t think so.

I find the best deals on groceries I can. I try to pay the bills on time. I didn’t try to keep Renee’s spending in check (look honey, I see you dropped another $50 on PayPal form checking. Thanks!), and I didn’t keep my own spending in check. Now we’ve got a pile of bills, late paychecks, and no savings left.
I’ve got a line of credit I’m going to reactivate tomorrow to try to pay off some bills, then I’m making Renee close her paypal account, hand over her credit card(s), and burn them. I should have done that in March. And then I’m calling the bank and telling them to disallow any outgoing Electronic payments to paypal. Money in is OK, money out is verboten.

And then, I suppose, I need to talk to Jeffrey. No, I better not. Since I have anything else lined up, that’s a fatal error. But this shit has gone on too long, and I rather risk my job than just sit on this pile of bile that’s building – resentment, anger, and despair. And now the choice is, let my cat die or continue working for him. I guess I can’t save the cat, and I’m not going to let the same thing happen to me, or my family if we get sick.

“Gee, MedCost won’t pay for that, because…so your emergency room visit will cost you…what, you can’t pay? Sorry….”

About Kevin Sonney

Kevin Sonney - who, contrary to popular opinion was NOT raised by wolves - grew up in central North Carolina. He fell into the technology field by accident in 1991, when he gave up the wild and crazy lifestyle of an on-air AM radio DJ to become a mundane technical support monkey. The technology industry has never really recovered from this. Kevin has worked for such names as IBM, Red Hat, webslingerZ, and Lulu Technologies (we won't mention the ones that didn't survive the experience). He currently works as a Linux Administrator for Apptio. In his spare time he rescues stray animals and plays video games with his two sons. His wife, we're sad to say, helps him get past the really hard bits. Kevin is still not very mundane, he just got better at hiding it.
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1 Response to Bile

  1. ex_dragonfly63 says:

    This is a terrible situation to be put into. I hope you won’t be upset by what I want to say… but where Damian is concerned, and this is just my opinion… don’t blame yourself for not being able to produce a money miracle to do more for him, medically. Always remember, animals don’t fight nature the way we do… and the one thing that has always mattered between cats and their people is that the love between you was the one thing, the best thing, that they “owned” you for.

    You’ve loved him so much, and you’ll continue to love him. Be with him, and be a comfort. If he feels the need to move on, know that the incredible love and affection you’ve given him has provided him with an incredible life. You’ve never failed to love… so you can’t fail him, in any fashion.

    Does that make any sense? I can’t help but cry and pray for your relief, in any form it can take. Hang in there…

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