And the pissy part, the part that makes me agonizingly mad and want to cry and scream and all at once, is that if I had just been paid on time for the past few months, and had I managed to control our spending better, we wouldn’t be in this predicament.
I mean, let me be honest – the fact that paychecks are going to be almost two weeks late (AGAIN) really burns me, but until I can find another job, it’s a moot point. Take it to the boss, and will I still have a job afterwords? Fuck, I don’t think so.
I find the best deals on groceries I can. I try to pay the bills on time. I didn’t try to keep Renee’s spending in check (look honey, I see you dropped another $50 on PayPal form checking. Thanks!), and I didn’t keep my own spending in check. Now we’ve got a pile of bills, late paychecks, and no savings left.
I’ve got a line of credit I’m going to reactivate tomorrow to try to pay off some bills, then I’m making Renee close her paypal account, hand over her credit card(s), and burn them. I should have done that in March. And then I’m calling the bank and telling them to disallow any outgoing Electronic payments to paypal. Money in is OK, money out is verboten.
And then, I suppose, I need to talk to Jeffrey. No, I better not. Since I have anything else lined up, that’s a fatal error. But this shit has gone on too long, and I rather risk my job than just sit on this pile of bile that’s building – resentment, anger, and despair. And now the choice is, let my cat die or continue working for him. I guess I can’t save the cat, and I’m not going to let the same thing happen to me, or my family if we get sick.
“Gee, MedCost won’t pay for that, because…so your emergency room visit will cost you…what, you can’t pay? Sorry….”